About two years later to the day I came back to South Texas from DFW, and about a month and a half after my arrival I awoke to find a message from her in my inbox. Two days after that we went out, and it was the most beautiful experience i've had in a long time. The magnetism was there and as strong as ever, her smile and her eyes, as always, completely took me out of this world and into one where there were only the two of us, and her lips on mine brought my heart back to life. I've always loved her, and she knows this because i've never hesitated to say it...i just hope she meant it when she told me she'd like to give us a chance one day, and i hope it's soon.
For now, she's in California. She had already made plans to go west for two months, but took the time to find me a week before her departure and i'm glad, a much happier man for it even if she isn't next to me right now. I sent her a letter November 1st. Here's the portion that relates exclusively to her and me along with a poem:
I can't begin to find the words to explain
with speech or pen, how you outglow the moon,
or how the sun competes against you'n vain
to outshine you from its rising 'til the noon.
Great Helios, with valiant darting steeds
has not your strength to illumine my day,
just as each night the radiant Selene
to light my way has insufficient rays,
and Boreas, approaching from the north
with winds to chill our hearts and passions freeze,
will never have the power to give forth
a warming breath like yours to bring me ease.
And what of Morpheus, who reigns our sleep?
He's lost his throne to you in every dream.
You asked before you left, why you? The truth is that just as you described what you felt when you first saw me, well, i felt exactly the same for you, and more after we began to know each other. Everything about you is beautifully intoxicating to me - your voice, your words, your lips and the feel of your skin, even your sometimes brash pronouncements and plaguing insecurities - all of it is lovely, and all of it what i've always wanted. Even when I was dating N------, remember the time she and i met you at Newman's? When we left for home that evening she asked if she had any reason to fear my leaving her for you. Naturally I said no, but the truth is i have always loved you. You said you know dozens of women who would kill for my skin, my eyes, my lips - well, i know countless men would do just the same for yours...i am one of them, and i hope one day i can be so blessed as to have them for myself alone.
I miss you, J--, and my only hope tonight is to receive news of you and see you soon, and know that my words have found you well.
All my love, always,
n--
--- --- ---
Honestly, i don't know why i put these things out here for others to read. It isn't like i advertise this blog or give my friends the address so they can read, it's all just kind of floating around in cyberspace for people to stumble upon. But it's therapeutic to let it all out, and maybe, just maybe someone out there is of a similar mind and spirit as me and can relate. I just hope it's her.
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