To the order of night

I've no mind left

to mind my thoughts of you.

My heart,

it has no strength

but that which ought reprove

a fool like me,

for wanting aught be true.

My hands,

they have no grip

to your own ever grasp,

my feet a cadence not

to e'er tread forth

or your steps take to task,

nor my eyes light

enough to look upon

unknown directions past.

Yet i clung still

to that last string

of hope a fool might have

until to-day,

until this night,

when all these gave their last.

a new place

i've gone to a new place. five hundred miles of pavement, eight hours of driving that should have been nine, nineteen dead butterflies and the trees, untold numbers of trees, all alone by the side of the road. unaware of what may come, they've taken root yet they, too, must some day go to a new place. but they, by God's good grace, they'll have no mind to think of an old home, or face or name.

The Fourth of the Three

The dream is gone, it seems,

to not soon come again

in similar shape or form,

yet you remain in me,

today,

may you or not return.

And if i were to leave

this week or come the next,

this i wish you to know -

when you i did first see,

betwixt

the day's and evening's shore -

I was in love that day,

again,

to love forevermore.

To you - to me -

To you,

the one i hardly know,

you seem too far away.

To you,

who in my dreams i've adored

yet grant not time or place to say -

for you,

my heart, allow it be -

to you

i write in reverie -

to me,

give not half hearted truths,

those measured by the drop.

To me,

speak only in absolutes

through thoughts in true words wrought

that we

one beating, breathing heart

may be,

and lose each other not.

Discernment

No truth is to be told

but that which can be seen

upon another's brow, or

etched upon the settled leaves-

no truth's to be avowed,

if by life written it can be.

To seek in sonorous verve

escaping others' lips,

do not to this too oft resort

nor seek in it the verity

engraved on all that is,

do not for truth in this confide

when only life can it emit.

If only, then, a man could find

this score on his own being impressed,

there's no thing time could e'er deny,

it would bare all at his behest.

Corazón, nos fallas

Corazón,
nos fallas.
Eres poroso,
saturado de vida
e igual asesino,
aunque lates
por la misma.
Corazón,
eres débil,
blando
y de piedra,
de calor infuso
y frío.
Pienso yo
Corazón,
eres largo
y pido,
Dios-
has el mío redondo,
aún esférico-
sin mancha
y perfecto.

El fracaso

Estos días se cree,
el que no progresa
es que no quiere.

El fracaso
en muchos casos
es por falta de querer,
en otros
por querer de mas-

por conocer el mundo,
reconciliar
lo pasado,
por querer amar
hasta uno,
llega al fracaso.

I'm having chest pains...

of the non-physical kind.

The absence of time

Not one day's passed during which i've not thought,

no sun yet set without my having seen -

that day by Heaven's generous grace was brought,

as i saw then your eyes' untempered sheen.

Eternity, it seems now to have been,

a dread absence of time without you spent

in which my heart's desires, they would careen

to one such as yourself to me being sent,

and thoughts like these would not pass or relent,

in nights of deepest dark would not abate

and even now, when light seems imminent,

i am awake with you in mind of late.

Such whim should be reigned o'er, sense says

but no, let heart and mind be runaways.

My dreams

Two poems had been written to date on a recurring theme manifested in certain dreams. The first poem (Twice have i seen you) was written and posted on this blog16 June 2010, the second (To have that dream be you) on 15 July 2010. The third, and final, poem (Stay, that you not leave) was experienced towards the end of July, written today 4 August 2010, and is included in the body of this post.

In the first dream I saw a woman, radiant, whom I knew but could not name or recognize - her face was Light. In the second i faced the same frustration, and awoke with the hope that it would be a certain one. In the last there was a face, and though an unfamiliar one i knew who she is.

Here they are then, what has been, and continues to be, my frustration, what i hope will be your pleasure, maybe even inspiration.

____________________________________________________________________

(1) Twice have i seen you

Twice have i seen you now

as through a foggy dream

so near to me you draw,

and yet have i no name to call,

no face in Day's light seen

to which i may assuredly avow -

Two times to me you've come,

and twice is my heart gone.

Hence am i once more left,

to further dread my wake

and anon hold to sleep

as that one last reprieve,

during which i may take

you into my arms 'til then bereft

of you, but then never again,

if smiled upon by Providence.

____________________________________________________________________

(2) To have that dream be you

To have that dream be you,

what would i not deny?

That you may know,

pay heed

with your heart's sight

that i may show -

the heavens, Earth and seas,

my very life,

all these by you

are naught to me.

And if in that sweet dream

i were to see a face,

and God yours let it be,

may He me save

and i be deemed,

for ever and eternally,

to your love's servant be.

There is naught i would not do,

you know,

to have that dream be you.

____________________________________________________________________

(3) Stay, that you not leave

I ask you, love,

come not to me

again

but if you must,

i beg, then,

stay.

Come to me

not, in dreams

of day or

night or other

forms of thought.

Come to me

not at all,

but stay,

lest you should

leave again.

To have that dream be you

To have that dream be you,

what would i not deny?

That you may know, pay heed

with your heart's sight

that i may show -

the skies and Earth and seas

when by you are naught to me.

And if in that sweet dream

i were to see a face -

and God Yours let it be! -

may He me save

that i be deemed,

forever and eternally,

to your life's servant be.

(There is naught i would not do,

you know,

to have that dream be you.)

- continued from: Twice have i seen you -

Twice have i seen you

Twice have i seen you now

as through a foggy dream

so near to me you draw,

and yet have i no name to call,

no face in Day's light seen

to which i may assuredly avow -

Two times to me you've come,

and twice is my heart gone.

Hence am i once more left,

to further dread my wake

and anon hold to sleep

as that one last reprieve

during which i may take

you into my arms 'til then bereft

of you, but then never again

if smiled upon by Providence.

-----

-----

A sweet dream, they were

The word Kalee hates

It's dichotomy. She finds the sound of it severely irritating, its utterance unnecessary or misapplied 99.9% of the time. I think it can be aptly applied to the nature of man or, my own.

Saturday i went out with Karla and Zara. We went to a nice bar/restaurant downtown that had good, and tasteful, live music. It was almost one in the morning when Z decided to bar-hop and look for her most recent lover, so K and i went along with her. While at the last bar on Z's list K and i left the balcony and went in for a few minutes. On the way out again I held the door open for her to exit first, and as i was about to step out myself a really cute girl is making her way in - we stopped right in front of each other, she took a good look at me, then she turned around and started dancing, grinding her rear into my crotch.

Dichotomy: found in my sentience.

The animal in me wants to grab her by the hips and sway to her rhythm - she's cute, having fun, and a potential good time later on.

My higher self is disgusted and pushes her away forcefully. It would have been more gentle, had she not clung.

I do my best not to use the word hate; it's too strong a word. One thing i do hate wholeheartedly, though, is the music played in places like that club, and the attitudes that come along with it. For example, the rap where men glorify the objectification of women, or songs by female - so called artists - that vulgarly pander to men's most basic instinct. Most of what is said in such songs is experienced internally by many, but to express these thoughts in such perverse ways, and to glorify it, to try to sell these fantasies as art and a viable way of living...it makes me uncomfortable to be surrounded by people who find no fault in such things. There is no profundity in such blather, no peace to be found in its petty lyrics, and i am reminded again of why i don't frequent such places.

This girl, in a different context, i might have found genuinely attractive, but to see her so moved by such words, to have her move against me in a way one would normally do only privately - i am not, and hope to never be, comfortable with this.

Karla thinks i should loosen up and just have fun. I disagree, choosing one part of the dichotomy over the other.

Living on a maybe

Friend 1: I'm taking off, I'll see you tomorrow.

Friend 2: Okay - will you be shooting pool with us tomorrow?

F1: Maybe.

F2: I'll call you tomorrow before we go. I'll probably see you here, right? Are you coming tomorrow?

F1: I don't know, maybe.

F2: i see - you're livin on a maybe.

F1: Yeah, kind of.

Sin titulo -

El nombre del amor

no facilmente recuerdo.

Existen solo imagenes

borrosas,

lejanas,

cuyas caras por el tiempo

casi han sido olvidadas.

Hay momentos en que viene,

brevemente pero viene

en el aire como un perfume,

o aparición en mi vino

mas escapa de mi mente

ese nombre tan divino.

Mis dientes son unas rejas

mis labios un candado

y el nombre del amor,

ese viejo prisionero

por mi lengua sigue atado.

Paso a paso -

Pasa una mujer por mi lado,

pasa otra

y ya van dos

y me pregunto -

cuantas mas pasaran,

cuando ire a despertar

y cuando pasara el dolor?

Dos cortos años van

desde que pasaste tu,

dos cortos años eternos

que e pasado sin tu luz

y voy caminando en lo obscuro,

sin rumbo voy ambulando

un camino de amaritud.

A una Puta, un poema:

Hay mas belleza en tí

que en todas las demas,

en tu pecado incorruptible

mas felicidad.

Noble a de ser llamada

tu condenada profesión

que a todo hombre libera

de cada nombrada aflicción,

con pocas mas dulces palabras

y muy necesaria atención.

--------------------

a brief poem for the woman i gave a ride to, from the bank to her house, without knowing she was/is a prostitute - she was a nice lady.

A varias

Habia una gran pesa

que has levantado de mí,

la gran pesa de el amor

que aún sentia por tí.

Puede ser desgracia

como puede ser bendición

la gran pesa que levantas

este día de mi corazón,

aún que sigue siendo por ti

por quien este late en ocasión.

Fue poco lo que pedi,

solo que fuera verdad

cuando tus labios veia partir

para un 'te amo' pronunciar

y es poco lo que quedó,

el recuerdo de tus palabras,

el aliento de tu voz

como una intangible bruma

en un mar inmenso y atroz.

On Consciousness:

Friend 1: I swear, I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached.

Friend 2: Wouldn't you lose your body?

F1: What!?

F2: Well, you have to ask ourself, "Where does consciousness reside," wouldn't you? Would you

say that one's consciousness resides in the mind?

F1: Yeees....

F2: So, if consciousness resides in the mind, what would you lose?

F1: Your body...?