Monday, August 31, 2009

Love at first plight

Dallas, TX: Michael & Jean Kidd (ages 67 and 70) have recently found themselves in an unpleasant predicament: they are being held by the State of Texas against their will. What crime have they committed? None, unless being old and in love has recently been codified as a crime without the State informing the People of Texas.

Last November Mr. Kidd sufferred a fall that shattered his hip, after which he was transferred to a Plano hospital for treatment. Mrs. Kidd, acting as any concerned and loving partner would, faithfully attempted to stay as close to her husband as she could, which in this case meant the waiting room. After a few days, however, the hospital filed a report with Adult Protective Services, stating Mrs. Kidd would not eat as hospital staff treated Mr. Kidd. Acting dutifully towards its citizens, the State of Texas has taken it upon itself to remedy this seemingly crminal situation.

Citing poor judgment and incompetence, Texas APS has confined Michael & Jean Kidd to a cramped room in Countryside Nursing Home, Pilot Point, TX, where a couple's tenancy comes at a price of about $7,000 per month. When asked, the Kidds' state appointed financial guardian refused to give them an acocunting of their financial matters, going so far as to say they "did not have the mental capacity to even ask for their own financial or mediacal records." State litigators also attempted to obtain a restraining order to prevent the article this post is based on from being reported (it was denied by Judge Weldon Copeland). While the Kidds are allotted a mere $60 of their own money by the state per month, their home sits abandoned. Its doors were left unlocked, food remained spoiling in the kitchen and their yard began to grow out of control, according to their neighbor Bob Graham.

The Kidds have had no children, other relatives, or neighbors come forth to advocate on their behalf. Their court-appointed attorney has been described, essentially, as more laughable than a joke so bad one couldn't laugh at it for any other reason than that.

Michael Kidd: "I can't believe I have been hi-jacked off the street, virtually from the hospital, and imprisoned...I know what my income was and I know it was more than enough to take care of my bills. Now, I'm deteriorating instead of getting better."

Jean Kidd: "Having help is one thing...having someone come in and take over the whole ball of wax and say you will do what I say, and you have no control over your own life...How could this happen in a country that talks about and brags about freedom?...And yet this is how we treat our old people. This can happen to any of you." Mrs. Kidd has lost twenty pounds and two teeth while keeping her husband company at Countryside, commenting that no one at the nursing home seems to notice.

The gist of it: This is not right. When a person is fully congnisant of their situation and surroundings and has broken no law, yet is being confined against their will without being provided adequate representation (being held against their will, period) as well as a full and accurate accounting of their most intimate matters, this qualifies as imprisonment, unjust, unlawful and unconstitutional imprisonment. One should not expect, much less accept, this sort of tyrannical action even from the federal government, much less from one of the fifty states.

One of the worst parts of this is the hypocrisy on the part of the state. Children in public schools are being made to read novels exalting the virtues of unconditional love in which characters willingly give up their lives for and with the beloved (not necessarily a bad thing), even as the State perpetrates such criminal, immoral and insensitive acts.

If this upsets you as much as it does Smithy, please, contact Governor Rick Perry regarding this matter, as well as Texas Adult Protective Services.

To view the original article, click "Elderly Couple Forced into State Custody".

Friday, August 28, 2009

Discontinued

Smithy: Blue, i know exactly what kind of girl i want.


Blue: So do I, they just don't make those kinds of girls no more.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

How manly are you?

If a man without a job is only half a man, and i have a part-time job, does that make me a man or only 3/4 of one?

And if one substitutes love where employment had been, and its absence would make one only half a man as well, as did that of the latter - in this situation, if i had love but was performing no gainful service still, would that make me a man or would i still be only half of one?

Let's suppose lacking either or both of these would make one the lesser man.

If i had at least a part-time job and love, would i be more than just a man?
What if i have a part-time job i love?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Have it your way

Drivethru Girl: Welcome to Mcdonald's! May I take your order?

Smithy's Dad: Hi, um, can I have it my way?

Girl: Yes, sir, you can!

Dad: Great, because if I can have it my way then I'd like a Whataburger!

Girl: Sir, this is Mcdonald's, you cannot have Whataburger.

Dad: Oh, ok, then I'd like a McRib sandwich.

Girl: Sir, we don't sell McRibs anymore.

Dad: Ok, have a good night then! =)

Sorry you couldn't have it your way, Dad.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Do it for the kids

Jake, my dear friend who is a lunchlady, the gistsmith understands why you are upset.

High school kids are animals, and just when you thought you had a little time to breath non-school-food-permeated air, a wild herd of them stampeded into what was formerly a serene meadow of multicolored cafeteria seats. This happened because our school district's resident logistical experts accidentally gave you a break at the same time the pack goes out to feed. Then you were expected to swiftly man your post behind the stainless steel counter just as your colleagues around you did, despite the fact you were all off the clock.

I sympathize with your feelings of, "Fuck that, man, I'm not on the clock!" But the next time something like this happens, i'd like for you to buckle down and focus on just one thing: Do it for the kids!

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Other topics of tonight's conversations: what do you call a baby lobster - search results for "what do you call a baby lobster?" - women - the proper way to act out a power fist while listening to 80s metal (it's contextual) - songs that are in our hearts (What's Up, anyone!?) - kickin ass at 9-ball.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Lobster love


Jackie tells me lobsters spend an indeterminate period of their lives crawling along the ocean floor in solitude. At some point, however, the fateful day arrives when they find the one other lobster in the whole world with whom to spend the remainder of their lives. They never experiment with other lobsters before that day, and never consider another after it. I wonder if this is true...

The Gistsmith posits the following theory: The animal body is in some ways a machine, and we all (even lobsters) operate at a certain frequency throughout our lives. One day, the lobster's patience in the face of romantic adversity is rewarded in the form of a mate, but not just any old mate - a mate who is on the same wavelength. It seems the lobster doesn't mind going alone for what could be the greater part of its life, preferring this over compromising its values.

The important thing is that, while lobtsters might be saddened by the potentially long and excruciating wait, they never stop being productive members of society - mainly ours. We could all learn a little something from the lobster i think.

The glass is half full

When you're down because life keeps slamming doors shut in your face, remember the gist of it: god always leaves a window open. Unless, of course, you're afraid some crazy person will sneak in and do terrible things to you. Then you better start prayin.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Ed Hardy t-shirts

The Gistsmith's friend says: "Ed Hardy t-shirts look like somebody threw-up artwork all over your trunk!"


Thursday, August 20, 2009

So much for cultural sensitivity

Brownsville, TX, 8/18/2009: Old Man was arguing with his neighbor, who adamantly refused to believe that he is in fact from El Salvador. The old man could only tolerate such an insult for so long and, perhaps as a matter of proving his nationality, grabbed a machete by the blade and struck his neighbor over the head with the handle. Police say the neighbor was not seriously injured, while homeboy faces charges for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

The Gistsmith understands: Not every American is acquainted with foreign customs (unfortunately). But, had the neighbor known that in Central America machetes are as common as frivolous law suits are in the States, he could have spared himself a nasty lump on his head. Perhaps the old man was only trying to knock some cultural sensitivity into his clueless neighbor, along with a bonus geography lesson?

New Jersey

City of Parerson:

There has been a wave of deadly shootings in Paterson this summer, and the City Council will soon consider a measure which would be "the nation's first citywide, non-emergency curfew to include adults". I wonder what Paterson's finest social engineers were up to around this time last year...


The Gistsmith suggests: If felony charges don't deter people from hurting others, neither will misdemeanor ones. Everyone go out for a late night stroll anyway. Then, when the majority of Paterson's responsible citizens have been cited for disregarding this ordinance, file as amicus curiae in each others' hearings. Fun for all, including the courts!